


I'm not arguing with a woman who pours her milk before her cereal

by lxdychats



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Actor AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28073040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxdychats/pseuds/lxdychats
Summary: Adrien and Marinette (or, rather, the actors who play them) debate their favorite love square ships.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 12
Kudos: 68





	I'm not arguing with a woman who pours her milk before her cereal

**Author's Note:**

> This idea's been drifting around in my head as some kind of weird headcanon daydream hybrid so hopefully I did a good job putting it into words :P
> 
> If you know me from Twitter, no you don't <3
> 
> Oh and one last thing, there's some cursing in this, so beware of that.

Marinette couldn't believe she let Adrien talk her into another one of these all fanservice no substance interviews. Just last weekend she'd been seated on this same plush couch reading fan fiction and laughing her ass off, and now she was here again to argue over which way was best to ship herself with her best friend. Everyone knew that this was a topic she and Adrien often fought over. At least once a month a video of the two of them at each other's throats would go viral, and apparently it made such good entertainment that fans wanted to see their arguments in higher quality than something one of their castmates had jokingly filmed. Of course Adrien was thrilled when they got the offer. He loves these sort of things, and Marinette loves him, so by the transitive property of loving things, she loves them too.

The producers had given them white boards, and briefly explained how exactly this would play out. Each round they would rank whichever ship they'd be discussing, and then discuss those results as they pleased. Interviews with this particular station are always more laid back. It makes sense to Marinette that the stakes are less high when they aren't discussing their careers, hence the comfy clothes and plush sofa. _It is rather nice to just enjoy yourself and have fun rather than walk on eggshells all the time_ , she thinks to herself bitterly. 

"Well, at least this way no one can twists our words against us." Adrien had joked at breakfast that morning. It was rather disheartening that so many people had it out for them, but in a way that's the territory that comes with being famous. 

Shaking the thought from her mind, Marinette turned towards the camera and introduced herself. 

"Okay, okay, okay." She heard Adrien giggle. "Let's start with... Marichat!" 

Marinette groaned. "You really woke up this morning and chose violence." She seethed at him, angrily scribbling a -1000/10 on her whiteboard. Once they both revealed their rankings, (Adrien's being an ∞/10, of course) all hell broke loose.

"THEY HAVE NO CHEMISTRY!" Marinette screeched, an exasperated expression taking hold of her countenance. 

"EXCUSE ME?!" Adrien yelled back, "DOES GLAIATOR MEAN _NOTHING_ TO YOU?!?" 

"LADYNOIR OWNED THAT EPISODE."

"Oh come on Mari, we both know that's total bullshit." Adrien crossed his arms cutely.

"THEY HAD A CHEEK KISS!" 

"IT WAS FAKE! THAT DOESN'T COUNT!"

"Oh really? It doesn't?" Marinette questioned, "Well then, when we get to Adrienette I don't want to hear you bring up Chat Blanc."

Adrien let out an offended gasp.

"B-but, the kiss . . ." He trailed off, making puppy dog eyes at her.

"Admit the cheek kiss is a fair argument and I'll let it go." She negotiated.

Adrien grumbled. 

"Fine," He caved.

"BUT ONE STUPID KISS DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT WAS THEIR EPISODE." 

“IT'S ENOUGH FOR ME."

"NOT MY FAULT YOU HAVE LOW STANDARDS." 

"IF I HAVE SUCH LOW STANDARDS THEN WHY AM I FRIENDS WITH YOU?!" Marinette paused, evaluating what she just said.

"I," Adrien stuttered "Was that a compliment?" 

"No." She said, more defensively than she would've liked.

"I think it was."

"Nope, definitely not."

"It most definitely was."

"Absolutely not."

"Awww Mari," he teased, "you really do love me."

"Jesus Christ." she mumbled, "Next ship please!"

* * *

This time the producers chose for them. Probably for the best.

Marinette liked Ladynoir. She confidently wrote a 10/10 on her whiteboard and showed it to the camera, only to falter when noticing Adrien had written a 9/10.

"A _nine?"_ Marinette asked, notably confused, "Why a nine?" 

Adrien shrugged, "They're taking too long." 

"But they're soulmates." Marinette stated, as though it were obvious.

"Yeah, but their romantic relationship has hardly changed since the first season. Ladybug still doesn't love Chat Noir back."

"And who's fault is that, Adrien?" 

"..." 

"Exactly."

* * *

The pair had been assigned Adrienette next. Since they all knew Ladrien would be a messy ordeal, the producers thought it'd be best to save it for last.

Adrien smiled brightly, revealing a neat 10/10 on his whiteboard.

"You gave _us_ a ten and not Ladynoir?" Marinette asked, annoyed.

"Well yeah," Adrien answered. "What did you give us?"

"An eight." Marinette said, turning over her board.

"AN EIGHT?!" Adrien shouted, "WHAT IN THE EVERLASTING FUCK DID WE DO TO DESERVE AN EIGHT?!?"

"It's kind of basic." Marinette responded calmly.

"KIND OF," Adrien started, "KIND OF _BASIC_?! WE'RE ADORABLE."

"I never said we weren't," Marinette laughed, "but there are more interesting ships."

"Really?" Adrien asked sarcastically, "Like what?"

"Lukan-"

"NO!"

* * *

Finally, the moment everyone had been waiting for. Or anxiously anticipating. Perhaps even dreading, if you were Marinette. She just knew that the fandom would be on her ass for days after this, but she was going down with this ship, so help her God.

The rankings for Ladrien were the same as were given to Marichat, but switched between the two celebrities.

"You wanna talk about basic," Adrien began, "this is the textbook definition of basic."

"Uh," Marinette countered, "it's the textbook definition of _perfect,_ if anything."

"THEY HAVE LIKE THREE MOMENTS, MARI." 

"OKAY AND? I BLAME THOMAS FOR THAT."

"Oh my God, we're gonna get fired."

"We're not getting fired, Adrien."

"YOU CAN'T JUST TRASH TALK OUR BOSS MARINETTE."

"FRANCE IS A DEMOCRACY, I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT."

"WELL YOU CAN'T JUST PIN YOUR SHITTY SHIP ON OUR SHITTY BOSS."

"MY SHITTY SHIP? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S IN IT, NOT ME."

"WE BOTH ARE, DUMBASS."

"WELL OBVIOUSLY," Marinette yelled, "THEY'RE ALL THE SAME."

"YEAH BUT-" Adrien froze. "Oh."

"Oh?" Marinette inquired, "Ohhhh."

"Yeah . . ." Adrien trailed off once again.

"We're really stupid, aren't we?" Marinette laughed mirthlessly.

Adrien broke into hysterics at that. 

"Yes," he said between laughs, "we are."


End file.
